It's real name is the Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form. Instead of defining a word with a run-of-the-mill definition, anyone can define any word they want, however they want, as long as it is in limerick from. Now this may seem a bit out of season, but I promise I'm not getting Christmas and St. Patrick's Day mixed up. Maybe I'll do another limerick article in March, but that gives each of you time to submit a limerick to the website before then. If you come up with a limerick post it and the word you are defining as a comment to this blog article and we'll feature some of them in a March article. (Please be aware that they are currently only accepting limerick definitions for words aa- through co-.)
For those of you who need to be reminded how to construct your limerick, it has five lines. Lines one, two and five should rhyme and lines three and four should rhyme. Have fun with this, see what you can come up with and share it with us!
The dictionary already has more than forty-seven thousand limericks, and that's just for words aa- through co-! There are really some good ones that people have submitted.
Here's a few fun limericks I found this morning:
By a star, the three wise men were led.
But they found, as they stood at His bed,
That the one brightest light
On that first Christmas night
Was the glow from the Son of God's head.
A Christmas tree's never more fun
Than when racers are eager to run.
It's a quarter-mile drag,
And instead of a flag,
Tiers of lights start the cars like a gun.
The Christmas bells toll Christmas Eve,
And in Longfellow's poem, I believe,
But they're also the flowers
That grow in bright showers
In Melbourne, or so I perceive.
Christmas bells are colorful flowers of the genus Blandfordia, Australian perennials that flower at Christmas time, church bells ringing during the Christmas season, and the name of a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807–1882), written during, and about, the U.S. Civil War.
When I look at my silk Christmas stocking,
Fond memories often come knocking.
It was hung Christmas Eve,
And next day I'd receive
Something wonderful, sexy and shocking!
Christmas stockings are hung next to the fireplace on Christmas Eve, and filled with gifts during the night by either Santa Claus or one of his domestic helpers. It is usually made of wool, cotton, or felt, however, and filled with toys and sweets.
Jury duty at Christmastime? Heck!
The season will now be a wreck.
I will have boughs of holly,
But won't be too jolly
With just halls of justice to deck.
Roast beast by the Grinch was allotted
To Whos, who responded, besotted,
With shouts and applause,
While the heart of this Claus
Grew three sizes—and burst his carotid.
Each year towards the end of November,
A calendar meant for December
Appeared on the wall
Of my family's front hall—
It's something I'll always remember.
In a snow scene were cut twenty-four
Tiny windows, each opening a door
To a pictured surprise
For a youngster's bright eyes
To linger upon and explore.
As I think about Advent this year
And the calendar I once held dear,
I just know Christmas Eve
I will once more believe
It's the jingle of sleighbells I hear!
In the Christian church, Advent is the season that leads up to Christmas, beginning on the fourth Sunday before Christmas Day. In our family, the Advent calendar always heralded the arrival of the Christmas season. In a countdown to the holiday, we children took turns opening the 24 windows, one for each day from 1 December to Christmas Eve. Behind each of these windows was a tiny picture of a Christmas surprise. Some Advent calendars have doors that conceal small toys or candies.
We've got thousands of units to shift,
So we won't be encouraging thrift.
Come, be generous, friend:
Time to spend, spend, spend, spend!
Christmastide—what a wonderful gift!
The tot kicked and screamed, was afeard
Of Santa's enormous white beard.
Santa said, "I'm your dad—
Don't be scared, don't be sad."
But the toddler cried, "Daddy, you're weird!"
Afeard is an alternate spelling for afeared or afraid. This is based on an actual, real-life holiday incident with the dialog exactly as it was spoken at that time by my husband and daughter.
It's the night before Christmas; I'm tired!
Yet with eight cups of coffee, I'm wired.
In the depths of despair,
Like all parents, I swear:
"Damn that Claus — 'Some assembly required'!"
"Ho, Watson! The game is afoot!"
Shouted Holmes as he noticed the soot.
Then he walked 'cross the floor
From the hearth through the door
To a tree where the toys had been put.
I asked Comet and Dasher and Dancer,
And Blitzen and Vixen and Prancer:
"How the hell can you fly?"
But I heard no reply:
Not a one of them gave me an answer.
Well, the reindeer are waiting to fly...
Ho ho ho, little darling, don't cry.
So, goodbye—I should leave.
See you next Christmas Eve.
Please let go of my sleeve, dear. Bye-bye.
Two lessons were learned from the strife
That was faced by George Bailey and wife.
One: an angel earns wings
Every time a bell rings,
And then two: it's a wonderful life.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEDFORD FALLS!!
All the fireplace logs were ablaze
As poor Santa emerged from the haze.
With his whiskers aflame,
He was sorry he came,
And he sighed, "It's been one of those days!"
In creating my Christmas decor,
I string cranberry garlands galore.
I use holly with berries
As red as ripe cherries,
And mistletoe hangs o'er the door.
It was there that the young couple sought
Out a place for a child to be brought
Into this world of sadness
To bring peace and gladness.
In Bethlehem wonders were wrought.
A bûche de Noël is a cake
That my mother from Paris would bake
To be served Christmas Day
At our family buffet.
Yes, a yule log is what she would make.
(BOOSH duh noh-EHL) Literally translated as "yule log," this traditional French Christmas cake is shaped and decorated to look like just that. It's made of a sheet of génoise that is spread with mocha or chocolate buttercream, rolled into a log shape, and frosted with more buttercream. The confection is ridged to resemble the bark of a log, and sometimes garnished with both meringue "mushrooms" and "moss" made from chopped pistachio nuts.
Four tall candles, a circle of pine
Are arranged where we gather to dine.
Our Advent wreath's light
Warms the chill winter night
As it welcomes the Christ child divine.
The origins of the Advent wreath are found in the folk practices of the pre-Christian Germanic peoples who, during the cold December darkness of Eastern Europe, gathered wreaths of evergreen and lighted fires as signs of hope in a coming spring and renewed light. Christians kept these popular traditions alive, and by the 16th century Catholics and Protestants throughout Germany used these symbols to celebrate their Advent hope in Christ, the everlasting light. From Germany the use of the Advent wreath spread to other parts of the Christian world. Traditionally, the wreath is made of four candles in a circle of evergreens. Three candles are violet and the fourth is rose, but four white candles or four violet candles can also be used. Each day, the candles are lighted, perhaps before the evening meal—one candle the first week, and then another each succeeding week until 25 December. A short prayer may accompany the lighting.
Some churches instead use an Advent ring or crown, which consists of four candles. These candles vary in color according to the tradition—purple, royal or bright blue, rose or pink—arranged in a circle with a single white candle in the center.
Mom says Christmas trees have to be live,
So we'll set out one morning at five
And, to satisfy her,
Cut a fine balsam fir,
Tie it fast to the car top, and drive.
Balsam fir is one of the most popular Christmas trees because of its wonderful evergreen fragrance.
The most wonderful time of the year,
All a-bustle with love, joy and cheer?
All's a-bustle, that's true —
There's so damn much to do!
Christmastime is a pain in the rear.
For the record, the author loves Christmastime.